Things I'm thankful for

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, which often gets the shaft, being so close to Christmas (I feel your pain, Thanksgiving. My birthday's right around Christmas, too), I'm going to devote this blog post to things that I'm thankful for. But, rather than list the same old boring stuff (friends, family, health, blah blah blah), I'm going to concentrate on the little things I'm thankful for. After all, shouldn't we be thankful for the little things, too?

So, here we go...in no particular order (other than the order of my stream of consciousness):

1. "The Office" TV show. It provides me with a little laugh-out-loud time every week. And I have a crush on Jim Halpert.

2. Maui Onion potato chips from Target. I could (and have) eat a whole bag in one sitting. The perfect combination of salty and sweet...they're my one MAJOR food vice.

3. Skim Mint Conditions from Caribou Coffee. Oh, how I miss you!

4. My car -- aka The Old Man, aka The Beast, aka The Green Monster. I know I whine about it, but it gets me where I need to go, and I can take on Texas traffic with it. It rocks.

5. www.woot.com. Provides me with a daily dose of clever writing...essential in my job.

6. Purses, sunglasses, & jewlery from Chinatown. Without them, I'd never be able to pretend like I fit in here. Plus, they're so PRETTY!

7. The Dallas Parkway. Gets me to work and back, and for $0! Yippee!

8. No Income Tax in the state of Texas. I actually get to KEEP the money I earn! What a concept!

9. Burt's Bees lip balm. Makes my lips feel goooood.

10. My step-cat. Even though she hates me, she's still entertaining as hell.

11. My personal trainer. Without him, I may never go to the gym!!

12. Mama's cookies. They're happiness on a plate.

13. Facebook. Yes, I'm addicted. And I don't care.

14. NY bagels. Oh, how I miss them!

15. Pandora Radio. Now I can listen to songs I like online for FREE!

16. Chips & salsa. I could eat meals of it.

17. Protien cookies from apex. I never thought I'd actually like something that was good for me!

18. Shoes. Well, I'll always be thankful for shoes. That'll never change.

19. Holidays with my family. Can't get enough of 'em.

20. Christmas decorations. I'd keep them up year-round if there wasn't a major stigma attached to it.

See, I couldn't even make it through a Thanksgiving list without mentioning Christmas. It's everywhere!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Zen and the art of software marketing

My office mate put together a mini Zen garden today. It's kinda fun. It looks like this, except hers came with a sailboat, some dolphins, starfish and seahorses. Aparrently, these all thrive on sand now, instead of water. We contemplated adding a mini-ocean to provide life-sustaining water for these creatures...but decided that would create quite a muddy mess.

We popped in the accompanying CD to watch our chi levels restore back to normal, and start putting all our troubles in a box and pushing them away (yes, sadly, those are some of the meditative exercises one can do...ahh, bliss). Then, a frustrated co-worker TOTALLY killed our Zen buzz by having a mini-meltdown about a project. We tried to keep our cool, but we knew the fun was over.

Which brings me to my mini-moral for the day: Chill. Getting stressed out about something that's completely out of your control is not worth it. It's taken me a loooooong time to finally put this preaching into practice, but I like to think I'm doing an ok job at it. Sometimes, it takes a major crisis to bring perspective to your life...but let's hope nobody has to have it come to that.

There you go, kids. That's my lesson for the day. Oh, and also: if Dr. Pepper makes you belch, it's best not to drink it at work. I think I'll pop in that CD again...let's hope I don't start drooling when it makes me fall asleep at my desk...

Shallow to the end...

In my feeble attempt to think of something to blog about today, I started thinking of my favorite TV shows, hoping it would provide some good blog fodder. As I was listing the shows, USA Network's "The Starter Wife" popped in there. I have to admit, I'm becmoing slightly addicted to the show. I've even gone so far as to check out the website (a true sign that I'm a wee bit obsessed). It's a good show, cleverly written...but I think the thing I like the most about it is the "glamorous" Hollywood lifestyle. I have to admit, I drool over the fashion on the show. My cheap Chinatown knock-offs of Chanel and Prada are no match for the real thing...and I guess, somewhere waaayyyyy down deep, my altruism fails me, and I dream of nothing but fancy cars and shoes and "lunching" with other trophy wives. In fact, when I saw the movie "The Devil Wears Prada," a film built entirely around the sham that is the fashion industry, whose message is that "money cannot buy happiness"...I was enamored by the fashions. Those shoes! The dresses! The labels!! Gimmegimmegimme!! I think I may have lost sight of the moral of the story...

So what is the moral of THIS story? For as much as I wax poetic about changing the world, there's still a sizeable part of me that wants nothing more than a pair of Christian Louboutin heels and a Gucci dress. Guess I'm no better than the rest...and speaking of Guess, I saw the CUTEST shoes the other day...

I wish I was witty

Perhaps I'm just in a self-deprecating mood, but I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be truly witty. Not just your typical blog-wit, but honest-to-goodness witty (I also wonder if I would be able to write more than 3 sentences without using a hyphen. I'm so hyphen-happy).

I often check out editorial articles (it's "Market Research", people) and blogs, and think to myself, "Self, why can't you write like that? That is just freakin funny." The way that some of these writers come up with the funniest ways to write things...well, my little green monster gets the best of me.

Maybe someday I'll be the next real-life Carrie Bradshaw (except better)...or at least the next Perez Hilton. Hell, I'd even settle for the MSN Entertainment Hot Gossip writer. That's just good stuff.

Then again, maybe someday I'll be able to write without so many ridiculous-looking hyphenated sentences. Although, I think the odds of me being the next Oprah are better than me letting go of the hyphens (and if I do let go, it's gonna be epic -- Titanic-style! See, I did it again! Curse you, useful hyphen!!).

For now, I'll just pay homage to one of my favorite well-written bloggity websites: www.woot.com. I don't even care if they're selling behind-the-ear earmuffs (like they were today)...I read it religiously. Woot, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. Wait a tic...their office is located in the Dallas area. Hmmm...freelance, here I come!

VOTE!!

I'm voting today. Are YOU??

If I find out you didn't vote...you will not be allowed to bitch about politics anywhere in my vicinity for the next 4 years. So there.

Everything's bigger in Texas...except, aparrently, my blogging skills...

I know, I know....I've been quite the slacker lately when it comes to blogging...ok, so it's been over 2 months. My bad. Rather than recap the past 2 months (move, adjusting to live-in fiance, new job, new state, blah blah blah), I think I'll start with a few observations I've found out about Texas. So here goes...

1. Everything IS bigger in Texas (including my waistline). I've never seen so many churches the size of football stadiums before. Giant trucks, giant signs, giant stores...even my gym is ridiculously massive.

2. Texans are old-school...and I kinda like it. I guess it's rather anti-feminist of me to appreciate the fact that I never have to open doors myself anymore, or even pay for drinks or lunch. The lunch thing, well that's just nice for my wallet...but I really like the gentleman approach most of the Texas men have down here. It's just good manners.

3. I could visit a different restaurant every day, and not run out of places to eat until I'm 45. They sure do loooove their food here. The next stop on my list is one of the Brazillian steakhouses they have here....meat on a stick, here I come!!

4. Nobody who lives in Dallas is actually from Dallas. Everyone here is a transplant.

5. If you thought Minnesota drivers were crazy...try driving in Texas. I had to put rocket launchers on my '99 Plymouth Breeze just to merge onto the freeway with the flow of traffic.

6. Did I mention the food yet? It rocks. As seen by the 90 pounds I've gained since I got here.

7. I've said "y'all" in a sentence without thinking already. Twice. Shit.

8. If you're not a football fan in Texas, you have absolutely nothing to talk about until January. It helps to be a Cowboys/Longhorns fan, too. And the movie/show "Friday Night Lights?" Yep. Totally accurate.

9. Seriously, the food. Yumm.

10. "Minnesota Nice" looks like New York Rude compared to Texans. I had a lovely conversation about good restaurants in the area with my checkout clerk at Whole Foods yesterday. The gentleman who tested my car for its emissions test offered to get me in touch with his friend in the banking industry to get me a job (keep in mind, this was back in August, so a job in the banking industry wasn't as much of an insult as it is now). Nice, nice, nice.

11. I still miss New York.

12. If there's a forecast of a snow/ice storm, the state shuts down.

13. It's currently 80 degrees here. In November.

14. I have never seen so many people that are sooooo proud of their state. Every car has a bumper sticker. Every store has a "Texas" section (I could buy a Tony Romo jersey in 6 different colors at my local grocery store). Bronzed longhorn statues surround shopping malls. Texans suuure do love Texas.

15. I have never seen so many exotic cars in my life. The little "shopping center" (aka strip of boutique shops with things I could never afford) near my office has streets lined with Porsches, Lamborghinis, Ferraris, Mercedes...I saw a brand-new Sebring parked there once. It looked out of place.

16. I pass 6 Starbucks coffee shops on the way to work. I work 5 miles from home.

17. If the country's in a recession, somebody forgot to tell the city of Plano, TX. It's a refuge of American consumerism.

18. Have I mentioned the food lately?

19. Not everyone drives a big truck and carries a rifle all the time. Most do, but not everyone...

20. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Now, all this talk about food is making me hungry...I better go grab some barbecue...

The 11th Hour

The movers are coming. Tomorrow. Oy.

That's all I have time to blog. Wish me luck!

Things I have left to pack...

Maybe if I make a list of what I have yet to pack, it won't seem as overwhelming when I check things off. Or maybe it'll cause me to jump off my balcony. We'll see...

Kitchen:
- Dishes
- Glasses
- Silverware
- Pots & Pans (hey, I might make more ravioli, people! You never know!!)
- Sharp Knives
- Cleaning stuff
- Dish rack
- Toaster oven (how else would I toast my eggo's in the morning?)
- aaaand, that stupid little spoon holder thingy on my stove. Missed it. Dammit.

Dining room:
- Place mats (that's it! YAAAY!)

Living room:
- TV
- DVD/surround sound
- TV trays (since I don't actually use my dining room table for eating. Very useful to hold your makeshift computer, though.)

Guest room:
- Pile of random things that I have no idea what to do with (ie old alarm clock, file folder, magic markers, etc.)

Bedroom:
- Bed linens (those'll go last. Sleeping without sheets is just gross. Gross, I tell you.)
- Another pile of random crap (seeing a pattern here?)
- Ironing board/Iron (because it's still piled high with said random crap)
- Stuff on dressers and night stand (although I'm seriously considering just shoveling the stuff on top of the dressers IN to the dressers. Yeah...that'll probably happen.)

Bathroom:
- Shower curtain
- Towels (not a big fan of air-drying)
- 15 different kinds of shampoo (hey, my hair needs choices!!)

Wow...I really should be packing instead of writing this. I think I'll go read instead...

Blast from the Past

I'm in love. With a house.

I remember riding around Downtown St. Paul when I was a little girl, and seeing this house. It stood in the middle of what appeared to be a parking lot. I was always fascinated with it...I pictured myself living in it, raising my family, decorating it...and I watched it sit vacant and deteriorate before my eyes.

This house used to be located right across the street from the Xcel Energy Center...well, the city knew better than to have a vacant house sitting on prime parking lot land. I remember being utterly heartbroken when I heard the news that they were not going to be able to keep the house there. I wanted that house. I would've traded in all the piggy banks in the world to buy it.

Some time during college, the house disappeared. No longer a fixture of a bygone era in the middle of a modernized metropolis, the house that always caught my eye was no more. I was heartbroken. Gone were my dreams of owning the most beautiful home I'd ever seen.

Then, in a serendipitous twist of fate, I recently (ok, today) learned that the house had not disappeared -- it had simply moved. While I wasn't looking, they picked up the behemoth beauty, moved it down West 7th Street, and set it next to Irvine Park. My house is still alive!! Through some cryptic research, I believe the plans were to make the house into 4 luxury condos. I don't know if it happened or not, and read about the poor house's continuing neglect. But all is not lost, at least. There is hope again. I could still live in that house!!

Now, to find a few million dollars to buy it...

I smell like Cucumber Salad.

Being the genius I am, I decided to fall asleep on the beach this past Sunday before putting sunblock on my poor, poor, pale Irish skin. You can guess what happened.

So here I am, 2 days later, still radiating heat from my ankles to my shoulders, with no relief in sight. I bathed in vinegar last night, and will probably do it again. I'm an idiot. An idiot who smells like cucumber salad.

Kato, you're FAMOUS!

I must admit, I get a little excited (like I'm 8 years old listening to NKOTB) when I see relatively obscure places where I've called home written up in national publications. For example:

Top 10 Micropolitans

Guess I have to stop ripping on the "Lifers" down there.

Speechless

Found this on a friend's blog, and just HAD to post it:

Uncle Bobby's Wedding

Ah, the lost art of respectful, eloquent discussions of different viewpoints. I'm going to go read Lolita now (because somebody somewhere said we shouldn't).

Where's my brain's "Off" switch??

My internal monologue at 12:30am this morning:

"Ugh, it's hot in here. I should just turn on the AC. But then I'd have to get up and shut all my windows, and that would take too long. Maybe I'll just move the fan closer to me. Now it's blowing in my face, and making wind tunnel noises in my ear. I know -- oscillate! That'll do the trick..."

"I can't wait until it's October. I'm going back to Dairyland in October! I can't wait to see my best friend. I have engagement pictures to take that weekend. What will I wear? Will my sweaters be too bulky? Will I have lost some weight by then? I hope my hair looks ok. Maybe I can convince my aunt to style it for me. Why do I care so much about these pictures?? I hope I don't smile with a big double-chin. I hope it's warm enough outside. I hope it's not too warm outside."

"SHUT OFF, BRAIN!"

"Oh, well. Guess I can continue to plan wedding stuff. I wonder what kind of save-the-date cards I'll get? I can't believe I'm overthinking crap like this...I'm turning into an actual bride! Ugh! Well, I'll be sure they're cool looking, and unique...none of this cookie-cutter crap. I hope my hair keeps growing. What am I saying, of course it'll keep growing."

"It's still freaking hot in here. Should I get up and turn on the AC? It's too late -- I should be sleeping by now!! Maybe I should take some calcium/magnesium. Or maybe some ibuprofen, that's closer. I need to get boxes. I really need to pack some more. I need smaller boxes for my books. When can I get to the moving company to pick some up? Stupid company, only open 8-5 M-F -- I have to WORK 8-5 M-F!"

"Maybe I should start thinking about grad school...no, that's scary. How would I get in? Who would write my letters of recommendation? Do my teachers remember me? The GRE is scary! What do I want to do with my life?!?! Oh good lord, I need to stop right now."

"That's it. If I'm not asleep in 5 minutes, I'm turning on the air. This is ridiculous...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Analyze THAT, you psychotherapists out there!

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...

...and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. -Norm from "Cheers"

I've decided I'm just not cut out for Corporate America. I'm not vindictive, I won't throw someone under the bus to get ahead, I attempt to provide positive feedback and constructive criticism, and I give co-workers respect. Yep. I'm a goner.

It's no secret that I'm not a big fan of my job -- the tasks itself are ok, but the work environment often makes me want to jump off the building (which really wouldn't do much, it's only 2 stories tall). I cannot believe the level of "me me me" I deal with on a daily basis. Granted, my industry is notorious for its plethora of primadonnas...but the sheer number of them in such a small company is boggling. This is a soul-crushing place.

An example of my day: After a meeting with the President of the company (where he makes a phone call to prove me wrong and then continues an irrelevant conversation after insulting me), I had a "chat" with a superior about the layout of a letter I had drafted. Now, each of the higher-ups received a copy of this letter before it went to print (twice) for comments...it's only after I have printed 500 of them that they comment. Typical.

We are also in the middle of a massive project -- one that usually requires the addition of a full-time employee to spend their day working on this project. Have we done that? Nope. Instead, the already-overflowing workloads of the peons are increased exponentially. We are to blame if something doesn't go perfectly (and when you're talking about a project that involves hundreds of millions of dollars and almost 1,000 accounts, nothing's going to go perfectly), and ignored when things do go well.

I'm tired of having to constantly defend my actions. I'm tired of everyone assuming I'm absolutely incompetent. I'm tired of being the scapegoat when someone is looking to throw some blame around. I'm tired of it.

I have a feeling it's not abnormal, though...which is why I think I'll become a pirate. Maybe a freelance terrorist. Professional Mattress Tester. Personal Shopper. ANYTHING but a scapegoat in Corporate America.

Time for some Prozac...

There's no crying in baseball!!

In honor of my Twins' impending sweep of the Yankees (hey, a girl can dream):

Baseball Movie All-Stars

My favorite line: Rosie O'Donnell has no business being on this list. No business.

Things I learned in Texas...

Well folks, I recently returned from a weekend trip to The Big D, and managed to learn a few things along the way. Here are a few...

1. It's true, everything IS bigger in Texas. Bigger signs, bigger cars, bigger portion sizes, bigger stores...I felt like a cross between a munchkin and an oompa-loompa.

2. People...who...live...down...south...move.........MUCH........slower...than...I...am...used...to...moving. Talk about culture shock! Here I am, finally getting used to the fast pace of the East Coast, and I'm thrown down into the land where people actually take their time. That's just crazy. I'm going to have to learn how to increase my patience and decrease my talking speed.

3. For as slow as people move down there, they drive like NASCAR on speed. Here I am, desperately trying to merge onto a freeway in a craptacular PT Cruiser (curse you, rental car companies!!), fearing for my life when LARGE cars and trucks are zooming past me at 90+ mph. So much for hypermiling.

4. Heat is heat. I don't care if it's a "dry heat," or 139% humidity. It's still freaking hot. I am ever-grateful for air conditioning.

5. The combination of massive amounts of BBQ and my love affair with food could prove deadly. I'll likely weigh 300 lbs. by Christmas. Maybe I'll just stand outside and sweat it off.

6. Southern Hospitality is a reality. I was there for a total of 2.5 days, and already have a handful of phone numbers (and friends to go with them), offering help whenever I need it.

7. Dallas is rather similar to Minneapolis (it even has an Uptown!). I struggled to find anyone wearing cowboy hats/boots/belts around the Metroplex. What's worse -- there are little boutiques and spas all over the place! I'm going to need 4 jobs to support my future lifestyle.

8. I'm gonna miss Tax-Free Shopping in Delaware. sniff, sniff. :(

9. I'm scared for football season to start...I have a feeling I won't be wearing my AP jersey outside the apartment.

10. No matter what happens, this is gonna be one helluva adventure.

Yee. And Maybe a little bit of Haw.

Well, things are starting to look pretty dern official. In a matter of months (maybe even weeks), I will be moving to that giant state on the bottom of the U.S. So long, winter! Bye bye, sweaters! Peace out, weekend trips to NYC! Adios, Atlantic Ocean! Hellooooo, no State Income Tax...and giant slabs of beef...and oil rigs...and tumbleweeds...and rattlesnakes...and scorpions...hmmm, maybe I should think about this first...

Future husband (we have an aversion to the word "fiance" -- don't ask me why) has been offered a pretty sweet package with his company. A 2-step promotion, a hefty raise, some kick-ass bonuses...with one catch. He has to pack up his life (and mine too) and move to the budding metropolis of...Dallas. Texas. So, after a number of late-night conversations (curse you, cell phone companies, with your stupid "after 9pm" rules!), some number crunching (by him), and some logistical planning (by me)...we're taking the plunge. We're moving to Dallas.

Now, had you asked me 5 years ago if I would be living in close proximity to scads of Cowboys fans, I would probably have laughed in your general direction. Then again, I would've done the same had you told me I'd be living in the Tiny Land of Tax-Free Shopping, and look where I am now. I guess now that I know I can "move away from home" and survive (not to mention, do a little thriving), the geography doesn't really matter. So, once again, I will be packing my life up and forging out into the great wide yonder.

Now, to find my giant belt-buckles and cowboy hat...

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines...

In the ever-blossoming ego trip I call my life, I've decided to become another member of the masses that feels the need to throw every mundane detail of his or her life on the Information Superhighway (thanks, Al Gore). Or, perhaps more accurately, I have become just jealous enough of those with blogs to think to myself, "Hey, I'm just as cool as they are. I should blog too!" And thus, we begin...

I'm not going to bore those of you who know me (and, let's be honest, who exactly will be reading this and not know about me?? I may be narcissistic, but I'm also a realist.) with a 3-paragraph recap of my life. That's boring. At the risk of sounding terse, here's my life in a nutshell: I was born. Struggled through childhood (especially the fabulous "awkward phase" that I'm not entirely sure I've recovered from). Got m'self a useless English Lit degree. Fell in love. Fell out of love. (repeat). Got up the courage to move 1,000 miles away from "home." Continued to struggle for identity and a greater meaning in life. Watched "The Notebook" as a means of emotional catharsis. Finally grew a backbone. Fell in love for reals. Got engaged. Yeah, that about covers the first quarter-century...

Now, on to more important things -- like the present. Here's what's happening in my life right now (and will more than likely be the topics of many of my posts):

• I'm living alone in a faaaabulous condo on the East Coast (note the sense of elitism by turning the phrase into a proper noun).
• I'm working in a job that provides me with absolutely no satisfaction. I'm a corporate whore. I am faced with a common conundrum of loving my co-workers, but hating my job.
• I'm getting married in a year. This means I'm planning a wedding from 1,000 miles away. Yippee.
• There is a very good chance I'll be moving to Texas. In a month. No, strike that...in less than a month.

So, friends and neighbors...watch the crazy lady go even a little more crazy when faced with major life events happening on top of each other! Guaranteed amusement for all!! We'll see how well I accomplish the goal of attempting to write something (or cop out and post something) every day. If my success in keeping diaries and journals is any indication, this may be the one and only blog post you'll find. Still, I maintain hope for myself...now, I just have to find people who will give enough of a crap to read this...