Kato, you're FAMOUS!

I must admit, I get a little excited (like I'm 8 years old listening to NKOTB) when I see relatively obscure places where I've called home written up in national publications. For example:

Top 10 Micropolitans

Guess I have to stop ripping on the "Lifers" down there.

Speechless

Found this on a friend's blog, and just HAD to post it:

Uncle Bobby's Wedding

Ah, the lost art of respectful, eloquent discussions of different viewpoints. I'm going to go read Lolita now (because somebody somewhere said we shouldn't).

Where's my brain's "Off" switch??

My internal monologue at 12:30am this morning:

"Ugh, it's hot in here. I should just turn on the AC. But then I'd have to get up and shut all my windows, and that would take too long. Maybe I'll just move the fan closer to me. Now it's blowing in my face, and making wind tunnel noises in my ear. I know -- oscillate! That'll do the trick..."

"I can't wait until it's October. I'm going back to Dairyland in October! I can't wait to see my best friend. I have engagement pictures to take that weekend. What will I wear? Will my sweaters be too bulky? Will I have lost some weight by then? I hope my hair looks ok. Maybe I can convince my aunt to style it for me. Why do I care so much about these pictures?? I hope I don't smile with a big double-chin. I hope it's warm enough outside. I hope it's not too warm outside."

"SHUT OFF, BRAIN!"

"Oh, well. Guess I can continue to plan wedding stuff. I wonder what kind of save-the-date cards I'll get? I can't believe I'm overthinking crap like this...I'm turning into an actual bride! Ugh! Well, I'll be sure they're cool looking, and unique...none of this cookie-cutter crap. I hope my hair keeps growing. What am I saying, of course it'll keep growing."

"It's still freaking hot in here. Should I get up and turn on the AC? It's too late -- I should be sleeping by now!! Maybe I should take some calcium/magnesium. Or maybe some ibuprofen, that's closer. I need to get boxes. I really need to pack some more. I need smaller boxes for my books. When can I get to the moving company to pick some up? Stupid company, only open 8-5 M-F -- I have to WORK 8-5 M-F!"

"Maybe I should start thinking about grad school...no, that's scary. How would I get in? Who would write my letters of recommendation? Do my teachers remember me? The GRE is scary! What do I want to do with my life?!?! Oh good lord, I need to stop right now."

"That's it. If I'm not asleep in 5 minutes, I'm turning on the air. This is ridiculous...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

Analyze THAT, you psychotherapists out there!

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there...

...and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. -Norm from "Cheers"

I've decided I'm just not cut out for Corporate America. I'm not vindictive, I won't throw someone under the bus to get ahead, I attempt to provide positive feedback and constructive criticism, and I give co-workers respect. Yep. I'm a goner.

It's no secret that I'm not a big fan of my job -- the tasks itself are ok, but the work environment often makes me want to jump off the building (which really wouldn't do much, it's only 2 stories tall). I cannot believe the level of "me me me" I deal with on a daily basis. Granted, my industry is notorious for its plethora of primadonnas...but the sheer number of them in such a small company is boggling. This is a soul-crushing place.

An example of my day: After a meeting with the President of the company (where he makes a phone call to prove me wrong and then continues an irrelevant conversation after insulting me), I had a "chat" with a superior about the layout of a letter I had drafted. Now, each of the higher-ups received a copy of this letter before it went to print (twice) for comments...it's only after I have printed 500 of them that they comment. Typical.

We are also in the middle of a massive project -- one that usually requires the addition of a full-time employee to spend their day working on this project. Have we done that? Nope. Instead, the already-overflowing workloads of the peons are increased exponentially. We are to blame if something doesn't go perfectly (and when you're talking about a project that involves hundreds of millions of dollars and almost 1,000 accounts, nothing's going to go perfectly), and ignored when things do go well.

I'm tired of having to constantly defend my actions. I'm tired of everyone assuming I'm absolutely incompetent. I'm tired of being the scapegoat when someone is looking to throw some blame around. I'm tired of it.

I have a feeling it's not abnormal, though...which is why I think I'll become a pirate. Maybe a freelance terrorist. Professional Mattress Tester. Personal Shopper. ANYTHING but a scapegoat in Corporate America.

Time for some Prozac...

There's no crying in baseball!!

In honor of my Twins' impending sweep of the Yankees (hey, a girl can dream):

Baseball Movie All-Stars

My favorite line: Rosie O'Donnell has no business being on this list. No business.

Things I learned in Texas...

Well folks, I recently returned from a weekend trip to The Big D, and managed to learn a few things along the way. Here are a few...

1. It's true, everything IS bigger in Texas. Bigger signs, bigger cars, bigger portion sizes, bigger stores...I felt like a cross between a munchkin and an oompa-loompa.

2. People...who...live...down...south...move.........MUCH........slower...than...I...am...used...to...moving. Talk about culture shock! Here I am, finally getting used to the fast pace of the East Coast, and I'm thrown down into the land where people actually take their time. That's just crazy. I'm going to have to learn how to increase my patience and decrease my talking speed.

3. For as slow as people move down there, they drive like NASCAR on speed. Here I am, desperately trying to merge onto a freeway in a craptacular PT Cruiser (curse you, rental car companies!!), fearing for my life when LARGE cars and trucks are zooming past me at 90+ mph. So much for hypermiling.

4. Heat is heat. I don't care if it's a "dry heat," or 139% humidity. It's still freaking hot. I am ever-grateful for air conditioning.

5. The combination of massive amounts of BBQ and my love affair with food could prove deadly. I'll likely weigh 300 lbs. by Christmas. Maybe I'll just stand outside and sweat it off.

6. Southern Hospitality is a reality. I was there for a total of 2.5 days, and already have a handful of phone numbers (and friends to go with them), offering help whenever I need it.

7. Dallas is rather similar to Minneapolis (it even has an Uptown!). I struggled to find anyone wearing cowboy hats/boots/belts around the Metroplex. What's worse -- there are little boutiques and spas all over the place! I'm going to need 4 jobs to support my future lifestyle.

8. I'm gonna miss Tax-Free Shopping in Delaware. sniff, sniff. :(

9. I'm scared for football season to start...I have a feeling I won't be wearing my AP jersey outside the apartment.

10. No matter what happens, this is gonna be one helluva adventure.

Yee. And Maybe a little bit of Haw.

Well, things are starting to look pretty dern official. In a matter of months (maybe even weeks), I will be moving to that giant state on the bottom of the U.S. So long, winter! Bye bye, sweaters! Peace out, weekend trips to NYC! Adios, Atlantic Ocean! Hellooooo, no State Income Tax...and giant slabs of beef...and oil rigs...and tumbleweeds...and rattlesnakes...and scorpions...hmmm, maybe I should think about this first...

Future husband (we have an aversion to the word "fiance" -- don't ask me why) has been offered a pretty sweet package with his company. A 2-step promotion, a hefty raise, some kick-ass bonuses...with one catch. He has to pack up his life (and mine too) and move to the budding metropolis of...Dallas. Texas. So, after a number of late-night conversations (curse you, cell phone companies, with your stupid "after 9pm" rules!), some number crunching (by him), and some logistical planning (by me)...we're taking the plunge. We're moving to Dallas.

Now, had you asked me 5 years ago if I would be living in close proximity to scads of Cowboys fans, I would probably have laughed in your general direction. Then again, I would've done the same had you told me I'd be living in the Tiny Land of Tax-Free Shopping, and look where I am now. I guess now that I know I can "move away from home" and survive (not to mention, do a little thriving), the geography doesn't really matter. So, once again, I will be packing my life up and forging out into the great wide yonder.

Now, to find my giant belt-buckles and cowboy hat...

Ladies and Gentlemen, start your engines...

In the ever-blossoming ego trip I call my life, I've decided to become another member of the masses that feels the need to throw every mundane detail of his or her life on the Information Superhighway (thanks, Al Gore). Or, perhaps more accurately, I have become just jealous enough of those with blogs to think to myself, "Hey, I'm just as cool as they are. I should blog too!" And thus, we begin...

I'm not going to bore those of you who know me (and, let's be honest, who exactly will be reading this and not know about me?? I may be narcissistic, but I'm also a realist.) with a 3-paragraph recap of my life. That's boring. At the risk of sounding terse, here's my life in a nutshell: I was born. Struggled through childhood (especially the fabulous "awkward phase" that I'm not entirely sure I've recovered from). Got m'self a useless English Lit degree. Fell in love. Fell out of love. (repeat). Got up the courage to move 1,000 miles away from "home." Continued to struggle for identity and a greater meaning in life. Watched "The Notebook" as a means of emotional catharsis. Finally grew a backbone. Fell in love for reals. Got engaged. Yeah, that about covers the first quarter-century...

Now, on to more important things -- like the present. Here's what's happening in my life right now (and will more than likely be the topics of many of my posts):

• I'm living alone in a faaaabulous condo on the East Coast (note the sense of elitism by turning the phrase into a proper noun).
• I'm working in a job that provides me with absolutely no satisfaction. I'm a corporate whore. I am faced with a common conundrum of loving my co-workers, but hating my job.
• I'm getting married in a year. This means I'm planning a wedding from 1,000 miles away. Yippee.
• There is a very good chance I'll be moving to Texas. In a month. No, strike that...in less than a month.

So, friends and neighbors...watch the crazy lady go even a little more crazy when faced with major life events happening on top of each other! Guaranteed amusement for all!! We'll see how well I accomplish the goal of attempting to write something (or cop out and post something) every day. If my success in keeping diaries and journals is any indication, this may be the one and only blog post you'll find. Still, I maintain hope for myself...now, I just have to find people who will give enough of a crap to read this...